If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
