your thong is hanging out like whoa
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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