no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
