"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i already hear my dad disowning me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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