Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What a dumb baby whore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize