it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
