i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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