We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
