at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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