omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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