are you so shy because you have an std?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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