Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can't turn off my feet"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
