I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm gonna have a badass scar
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
is it fun? or sober?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
