I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
