My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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