i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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