i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
