This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
