She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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