I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize