I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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