What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
