Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
