ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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