I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize