the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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