There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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