tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
MIDGETS
????
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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