you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
