i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize