his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize