My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
