I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
