Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
