we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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