PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
