that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
