hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
