so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
