OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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