i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
