You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
