I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize