i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
