'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
