I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
