I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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