well most of my day revolves around power hour
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
