new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
