You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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