Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
