haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
