ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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