piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
