I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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