probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
