I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
