dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
