Screwed.edu
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
