thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
zippers are such a cool invention
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
