I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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