i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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