Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
a search helicopter?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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