so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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