trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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