I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
