I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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