Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
