Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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