she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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