OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
