can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
