we have officially lost it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
