Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
