pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
